What a year! December invites reflection, and in the spirit of that, I figured why not list some of the top wisdom gleaned in 2022?
So, without further ado, allow me to present: Shit That Took Me 20 Years Longer Than Most People Take to Learn.
1. It’s not the challenge itself, it’s the nature of the challenge
There are things we’re into (banjos, music, writing, hiking, adventure, pets) and things we’re not (sports, mechanics, sitting in a cubicle staring at a screen and answering phones for 10-hour shifts). Of course, sometimes it’s unavoidable.
BUT, a challenge in an area of your life that you value is way more rewarding than a challenge in an area of life that you don’t.
Years and years of staying in a line of work that wasn’t fulfilling was a challenge. I never walked away at the end of a mind numbingly exhausting shift feeling good about myself. Feeling uplifted because I forced myself to sit through something that didn’t give me much of an opportunity to express myself in a way that’s inherently meaningful to me.
Challenging myself to write, to apply and submit proposals, get rejected (and accepted, yay!) is way more rewarding. It feels good. Pushing past resistance to meet a deadline is hard; it sucks. But afterwards, I feel energized and capable.
I wish I’d given myself this chance while still employed at office jobs. I think it would have brought some light, energy, and confidence to that time, counterbalancing it, and making me feel less lost career wise.
2. It’s hard to hear yourself amidst all the noise
I didn’t notice this until we were in the middle of nowhere, with no one else around. It’s insane how much the number of opinions, beliefs, ideas on who we should be and how we should live and what makes us acceptable and cool and worthy – all of it – gets in the way of us connecting with who we are. It’s relentless. It’s exhausting.
3. Quit the BS
Be honest with yourself. I told myself I loved myself for years, yet didn’t act that way. I told myself how to behave, this is right, these feelings are wrong. If this person you respect gives you attention, that means you’re worthy...
I told myself to there were certain feelings I should never admit to a partner.
It’s both refreshing and freeing to call BS on yourself. Dig out your shame. Allow yourself to fully be yourself, flaws and all. Stop hiding, get curious. It’s ok. You’re ok.
(Thank you to Chad for loving me fully and completely, regardless of all these things I deemed unacceptable and unlovable)
Also, I learned the things I struggle with I may always struggle with. My mind has certain well-worn paths, and it’s going to take a lot of tedious conscious redirecting. But that’s fine.
The biggest lesson – and a hard one at that – was discovering how much I believed my own bullshit, and how limited my life became as a result.
4. No validation
Remember that Anthony Bourdain TV show, “No Reservations?”
Mine would be called, “No Validation.”
It’s worth saying: I’m the happiest and feel the most alive I’ve ever felt, living in a space 25 times smaller; 1/25th the size of the average American home.
I’m sure most people think that living in a tiny trailer, traveling the USA with their partner and pets is weird. It’s not for everyone. But it’s shown me – it’s reinforced what I knew as a teen and somehow forgot, at least to some degree – that you don’t need anyone’s approval to be happy. You don’t need anyone’s “likes,” pats on the back, whatever to live a rich and meaningful life.
5. You’re way more capable than you know
A big reason why I never challenged myself in areas I found meaningful was because I was terrified of failure. If I failed, to me that meant I sucked. It meant I was a failure. No thanks, better to just not try, play it safe by picking jobs that were safe. Jobs that were “eh…”
Because I never challenged myself, I obviously had no idea that I could in fact, make money as a freelancer. I had no idea what I was capable of, because I never gave it a shot.
How tragic, to exist – so afraid of failure – that you never get up off the couch?
Fear of failure is worse than actual failure, which honestly isn’t that big of a deal. You learn from it and move on. Maybe it stings, but it doesn’t mean you have to give up.
I am so glad I learned this. Otherwise, right now I’d probably be plugged into the TV, watching Real Housewives of Bravo. Trying to escape how unfulfilled I felt. Trying to escape the sadness of letting myself down.
This year has shown the obvious. Try, keep trying, and eventually you’ll succeed. It’s simple: start, and don’t stop.
What are some things that you’ve learned the past year?
How have you grown?
What are you going to take with you into the next year, and what’s best left behind?
TRAVEL & ADVENTURE 