Slow Down

Like all aspiring-to-be-good banjo players, I headed straight for Alabama.

A mecca in ‘murica,’ for the banjo playing sort.

Actually, we’re here visiting family. We pulled our little home into the back yard, and settled on a thick patch of green grass under the big shady leaves of a towering maple.

Our solar panel gets dragged around the grass throughout the day, following the sun.

I do the opposite.

It’s been wonderful spending time with those we love. There’s none of the rushing around that’s usually associated with a visit; we’re here for as long as we’d like.

It’s chill. Evenings are spent chatting on the patio, relaxing in an eclectic mix of camp chairs as fireflies hover around.

We’ve been here a month already. It’s easy to go through life, too busy for what’s really important. Both of us feel so lucky to have this time.

My freelance gigs are picking up so I’ve been focused on writing. I’ve also been working on slowing down. And believe me, it’s work. Consciously trying to slow down takes effort.

It’s not that exciting of a story, is it? The adventure and new insights and experience and all I want to do is slow down. But it’s tricky; I’m having a hard time remembering how. It’s apparent that all the busyness – all the activities – one leading to the next to the next with no breath or space in between is a great way to remain distracted. Disconnected.

Looking back, I see how easy it was to rationalize suffering through a mundane experience. Spending so much time doing something that isn’t fulfilling, because everyone else is doing it too.

I wasn’t expecting this adventure to shake me up in the way it has. Proving there’s more than one way to live.

It’s becoming clear that I’m stronger and more resourceful than I gave myself credit for, and I’m reconnecting with core beliefs that I lost along the way.

There are still moments though when I wake up, and am gripped with worry that we totally fucked up:

WAIT, WHAT?

WE QUIT OUR JOBS THAT CAME WITH BENEFITS AND RETIREMENT?

WE’RE DOING WHAT NOW?

Those moments are harder, because most of society is still living the way we used to.

Everyone else is not doing this. We are on our own.

But we’re living the way we want; we consciously chose this.

We have been and will continue to figure it out.

One day, one breath at a time.

It’s still really weird though. After so much time being told what to do, to now be somewhat in charge of what comes next.

And also have no idea of what comes next.