Things

What are you bringing with you?

Imagine yourself in a parking lot. Except instead of cars, it contains all of your possessions.

There’s those kitchen appliances you bought years ago, used maybe five times? And look at those clothes that are still occupying closet space. You know, the ones that you continuously pass on wearing, year after year. And, oh boy! That box of who knows what that you haven’t opened since your 20s.

When taken out of the context of your home, how much of what’s there do you actually want? How much do you need? How much of what you currently have represents who you are, and where you’re going?

I’ve got closets, cupboards, drawers, and hidden nooks and crannies worth of shit to go through. It’s a window into my brain; my tendency toward avoidance. How much easier is it to “deal with it later,” shoving it aside and moving on to something easier. Homes are built to enable this behavior. They come equipped with ample storage space so we can easily stow the objects we don’t want to confront with a decision.  

My years of inaction and escape have made my current situation harder: Not only are we selling my house, we’re moving from 1,600 square feet into 98 square feet. Which means 95% of what currently surrounds me cannot come with.

As I started to sort through my stuff I couldn’t help but notice a similarity between my mental and physical patterns. Namely, I was confronted with my indecisiveness. Years of not making a decision about object after object piled up and hidden from sight. My previous relationship had been metaphorically boxed up, one dysfunctional aspect at a time, and hidden in a closet long before I had the courage to drag it out into the light and cart it off to the dump. I think I had become somewhat paralyzed and overwhelmed with everything I chose to ignore, but the accumulation left me bogged down and unable to clearly see who I was, what I wanted, and where I was going. It was much easier to distract myself by watching TV and sipping red wine than it was to focus on where I was, or in my case wasn’t headed, and sort out the things I needed to get there. It’s amazing how quickly we get used to something, to the point where we no longer see it. Unchecked, these actions pulled me further and further away from myself and where I wanted to be.

We all have different goals and dreams, and with that comes a wide array of stuff. The point is not to get rid of everything. It is to be more conscious of where you’re headed; culling your thoughts and things accordingly.

Going through all my accumulated items one by one, knowing that I have this drastic lifestyle change looming just over the horizon forced me to paint a clearer picture of my future:

Does my future include business casual? No.

Do I want my future to include business casual? Not really, no.

A muffin tin? Nope, don’t even know how to use it.

I’ve already let a ton of things go, none of which I’ve regretted. Even the sentimental items. I realize the sentiment still exists, independent of the item.

Through this process I realized how passive I became. How much I wasn’t paying attention to, and shoving aside. And believe me, years of that practice lead to quite an impressive pileup.

But it’s finally getting done. I’m checking it off, one box at a time.